…They’re gonna put me in the movies…gonna make a big star outa me…

This blog comes with several warnings. First, it comes with my standard mental health warning… reading this stuff can do SERIOUS damage to your brain. Secondly, you may need to have  a translator at the ready to understand the content of the attached YOUTUBE clip. Thirdly, it probably shouldn’t be watched without a safety net, and should certainly NEVER be watched  at home, unless under the guidance of children… Now, cutting to the chase ( why do people say that? What ‘chase’? ) At the risk of throwing a potentially ticking time bomb into next years Oscar Awards ceremony, yours truly has undertaken to appear on film, for the first time since that police thing, which really was ALL a complete misunderstanding. The resultant YOUTUBE presentation awaits your morbid gaze, the attachment can be clicked above. Already I’ve received loud murmurings from Mel Gibson and the producers of ‘Braveheart’ about dress code, and another from solicitors acting on behalf of Sean Connery’s voice coach…The accent may be difficult for some, being a heady mix of Neanderthal Scottish brogue and demented author-speak, but persevere with it and you may get to understand every third word…Your feedback may be taken down and used in evidence against you, but would be very much appreciated (we author-y types live in such a secluded, cloistered world…) Oops, I hear the keys of the night watch rattling in the lock…I’d better hustle back into bed… see you later …