…it’s official…I’m Public Enemy Number 14,367,801…thank you for the honour, Facebook…

…I suppose with Johnny Depp doing the Dillinger movie, and Val Kilmer’s great Doc Holliday in ‘Tombstone’ all these years ago, my alter ego had to surface sometime…my angelic cover is blown, the saintly facade that I’ve paraded to the universe these last six and half decades has been demolished more throughly that Hurricane Sandy’s impact on airline profits for October…yep, I’m officially Public Enemy Number 14,367,801…my crime is unconscionable, and I stand guilty as charged… no defence apart from my usual plea of insanity by reason of being a writer…I tried to be friends with people…prompted, I may say, in what I believe could amount to  blatant entrapment…Mr Zuckerberg’s Facebook people’s enticement looked so alluring, shoving list after list of people on to my home page inviting me to invite those on the lists…this I foolishly did, despite constant exhortations from my Mama about a hundred years ago not to touch things…I pressed the click-y thing…the mouse…Result? …Armaggedon of the Search Engine… now, being a good Govan dockside man from Glasgow I relish a good fight like any other self-respecting nutcase…but consider the odds … officially I have 642 friends, Mr Z’s friends total somewhere  approaching a billion…odds of roughly 1,557,632 to 1…No contest…I wonder if I’ll be allowed to take my Kindle into solitary confinement? …am I permitted visitors? (every second Wednesday, bring biscuits and ice cream.. lots of ice cream) …the worry now, apart from the excessive fees from my defence lawyer, is that the all-seeing eye, the radar from shshshsh, U KNOW WHO, may be scanning this blog post already…if this turns out to be my last epistle, I merely ask that for future generations, you speak well of me… tell them I meant no harm…I promise not to do it again, at least for another 31 days …if I can just get some counselling to stop me from doing that click-y thing, Matron…yes, yes, give me the tablets …it’s going to be a long month …


Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

21 responses to “…it’s official…I’m Public Enemy Number 14,367,801…thank you for the honour, Facebook…

  1. There are people with 5000 friends. I can only assume that someone has reported your friendship offer as spam.
    Facebook is becoming less useful for us, I fear.


    • I’m gonna convince myself it’s because I’m one of the two most successful authors in history ( the other being, of course, Master A. Peters en Espana), that it’s attracted such venomous jealousy as to cause this literary coitus interruptus …


  2. Sorry to hear about you Getting “Faced.” I am not the greatest fan of social media and it pains me to see such a good friend and supporter getting the digital death penalty. If you have go a month keep your chin held high. We will see you when come out of the gates. If you quit the ‘book I will follow with unwavering support.


    • Well, in my favourite movie trilogy, The Godfather, the advice is ‘stick close to your friends, stick closer to your enemies’..i reckon i’ll be like glue to them, and hunt them down when they and all their billion cronies ain’t looking,, hell hath no fury like a blogger scorned on FB .. :):)


  3. So… what did you do and what happened?


    • The constant stream of prompts about people you might know and want as friends’ appears at the home page , and i assumed (incorrectly) that those with whom t tells me i have , for example, xx number of mutual friends , would be okay to request to friend, building the network out, but apparently if even ONE person says they don’r t know you, you get suspended,, this time i’m jailed for 30 days .. go figure ..:):)


  4. It is going to be all right, Sweet Thang. Una and I will always love you. I’ll even come visit you in FaceBook prison, but while you’re in there, don’t smile too pretty. I really would hate…well, that’s a whole different subject. Now that you have a number, can I still call you Seumas? I love that name and someday maybe I will learn how to pronounce it.


  5. Beena

    Dear Seumas

    What really happened? I gather you clicked the Facebook invite link for your existing friend’s friends…..leading to a flood of response…… Right?

    Is that a cyber crime?


    Beena Augustine

    Sent from my iPhone


  6. kimcox37

    I’m in Facebook jail constantly for befriending people I supposedly do not know. I’m there right now for at least another week and a half but I have to say that you have me beat on lock down time. I’ve never received a 30 day penalty. Ouch! I bow to you in humble adoration. ;-P


  7. It’s happened to me a few times! I’ve had the 30 day thing a couple of times too. ‘You’ve got to rock with it, you’ve got to roll with it.’ Sartre.


  8. It’s jealousy, Sir Seumas. Pure and simple. The folks that twiddle the knobs on that ‘facing the book’ doo dah wish they too could write excellent books whilst wearing kilts and dodging the odd matron. Chin up, that man, for this too shall pass. 🙂


  9. Never mind Seumas, you win some and lose some. Things certainly appear to be going well for you on Twitter. I hope for your sake the Facebook Prison is not located in Abu Dhabi.


  10. Biscuits and ice cream. Any flavor in particular? The punishment certainly doesn’t fit the crime. We shall appeal it all the way to the Prime Minister!


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