… Loaded Laptop Alert… Licence To Kill… Polite Warning …DO NOT APPROACH THIS WRITER… #TBSU…

… I s’pose when ye’ve spent most of yer life doing what ye’re told … ‘behaving yerself’ at home, at school, in nice company … when the opportunity presents itself to kick over the traces, and… well… go nuts, really… in a way that ACTUALLY doesn’t hurt emb’dy… who can resist?… one of the joys of being part of the universal Quill-Scrapers Club is that ye can dispose of people … ye know what I mean… make them go away, permanently… ceasing to breathe … inventive methods of elimination are restricted only by yer imagination… in the olden days of gangster-type crime novels a favoured go-away-and-don’t-come-back stunt was being part of the ingredients in a cement-mixer cake… if we’re to believe it all, most of the buildings in inner city America have Deceased-Three-Finger-Freddie-type fossilised foundations… (bodies, Mabel,.. bodies..)… the BLUUDTHURSTY hunger that settles so comfortably into the crime thriller scribbler’s quiver is startling… at the last count, in two and a half novels, this ol’ Jurassic has killed off more people than the Bubonic Plague accounted for in the mid-1600’s… the worrying bit is that it all seems so pleasurable… if this were to be transposed to so-called ‘real-life’… where with a whirl of my whim, lethal licence were granted to me… stand back and watch the devastation… first up are the people who install those infernal robo-answering machines in companies, that take twenty minutes of your runaround time to get back to, ‘…if ye’re still here, press ‘1’ again, yer call is important to us…’...ye get the idea… the late Ian Fleming, he who gave us the ageless Jimmy Bond, Dubble-Oh-Slur, used to mark a wee pencil cross on every tenth page of his manuscripts… this told him it was time for another blow-’em-to-hell-or-somewhere bit of action… I sense that my manuscripts may have more crosses than a tic-tac-toe convention… I’m toying with the notion of calling Crime Writers Overkill Anonymous... they should be able to help… if they don’t, I have ways of making them see sense… ooops, there we go again… see yeez later…



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

8 responses to “… Loaded Laptop Alert… Licence To Kill… Polite Warning …DO NOT APPROACH THIS WRITER… #TBSU…

  1. laurie27wsmith

    Great stuff Seumas, especially the concrete shoes. I have a small tale to tell. A friend’s 10 year old son conned me out of $30.00 a year or so ago. I won’t tell you how he done it only that having worked amongst the criminal element for nearly 2 decades, I couldn’t believe I had been conned by an amateur. Anyway the deal was he would pay me back out of his pocket money, I received $5 and that was it. Then the old, ‘Aw but I paid you more.’ I was steely in my resolve, ‘Pay up kid, or you’re in the river with your feet in a bucket of cement.’ He smiled, I didn’t. A month later I turned up at his mum’s bookshop in my utility truck, called him out and lifted the canopy. You should have seen his face when he saw the bag of ready-mix cement, bucket and shovel. His arse hit the ground with a clang. I had the rest of the money in three weeks. He walks gently around me now.


    • …LUV IT, Laurie, LUV IT, that man .. ! :)))


    • ..The Godfather trilogy remains my favourite set of movies of all time… as a businessman, there’s so much to learn ( not the crime, the business) about how to run a successful enterprise… I read the book before watching the first movie… and did the same with the Lord of the Rings trilogy before seeing the movies… greatly enhanced the pleasure of watching.. cheers , Laurie ..:)..


      • laurie27wsmith

        I think it’s why so many criminal organisations make big money, they know how to run a business. Their tactics aren’t kosher but they have a certain acumen. I think the shop steward might object to his brothers going missing in the river. 🙂


  2. Pingback: Laptop Alert | Tempoplanet

  3. Pingback: … the good folks at TEMPO magazine let me loose once a month in their columns… #TBSU… | Seumas Gallacher

  4. Darn. I’ve been running MY business using Lord of the Rings as a template. Have you any idea how much flashy horse riding wizards are to keep? And Orcs… blood’s hell to shift…

    Godfather. Check. Perhaps with a sprinkling of Scorsese’s Goodfellas just to be sure.

    See you on the strip!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.