… incident at the fast checkout lane… a timely re-run of a post done more than 6 months ago… #TBSU…

‘…lightning never strikes twice in the same place’, ‘they’ say… ‘they’ are wrong… my local supermarket fast-checkout lane this morning was mugged by a multi-item purchaser with NO cash in hand… second time it’s happened when I’ve been there, and again, my best weapon had to be press-ganged into service… the broad Dockside Govan, Glasgow accent, loaded for fast-queue hijacking nutters… alas, as before, my attempt at sarcasm and education fell on unsurprisingly deaf ears… the culprit smiled and shrugged shoulders… the checkout girl acquiesced to the nutter’s need to proceed… but, I vow not to give up on this… my new grail… clearing the fast-checkout lane of imbecility… here’s a rerun of a post I did here when this last occurred with me present (goodness knows how many times a day it actually goes on…) …

… so which is it, punk?… ye can’t read?… or ye can’t count?… #TBSU…

… I’ve seen Al Pacino in the Godfather trilogy, arguably the Mother of All Mafia-style movies, ever… admired De Niro in his various hard-man roles… been dazzled with a five-decade string of Jimmy Bond, Dubble-Oh-Slur films… and it occurs to me, that I’ve never seen any of them in scenes that most of we mere mortals have to endure… case in point, triggered by a Facebook item I read earlier (I’m still in the ostracizing jail of these nice people by the way) …it instantly brought back a deluge of mem’ries… the blood-pressue-upward inducing episodes that play out daily at yer nearest supermarket checkout lines… ye’re in a hurry and pop yer three, maybe four items at most into the wee plastic hand-basket, the one with the awkward carrying handles… and make a beeline for the till checkout lady at the end exit row… ye can’t miss it… above it, hangs a billboard-size notice in WURDS that even Blind Pugh could read, ‘TEN ITEMS OR LESS—AND CASH ONLY’… the bloke in front starts to empty his lot onto the sliding conveyor thingy… the checkout lady starts to ring up the items,…Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching!... when the Ka-Ching! Kount reaches about FIFTEEN bluudy items, the hand-basket resembles a conjurer’s box… the items keep appearing… my Govan Docklands sense of right and wrong can’t be contained … I ask the fellow in disgust… ‘so, which is it?… ye can’t read?.. or ye can’t count?’… he stiffens up, opens his hands and says (get this!), ‘well, ye know, I’m in a hurry’ …  THIS is when the fight usually starts… to the unrestrained delight of the rest of the 10-or-less brigade in the queue behind me, I launch into one of my,  ‘Oh, ye’re in hurry? well that’s okay, coz I’ve got my whole feckin life to wait here at the bluudy FAST checkout queue, waiting to teach numpties like you how to read and count’ tirades… fluster, fluster, fluster from Mister Can’t-Read-Or-Count… he makes to pay… WITH A BLUUDY CREDIT CARD!...  he hasn’t got a red cent on him! … and of course, the card limit has long been exhausted  and gets rejected… the ensuing passage requires an editorial swift drawing across with a curtain… so, next time ye see Al Pacino, or Bob De Niro ambling toward the Quick Checkout at yer local Supermarket, have a look… this ol’ Jurassic’ll be right there alongside them… you talkin’ to me???…

8 Comments

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8 responses to “… incident at the fast checkout lane… a timely re-run of a post done more than 6 months ago… #TBSU…

  1. Reblogged this on An Author's View and commented:
    Here’s a timely post from the lovely Seumas Gallacher, which I can’t resist reblogging as today’s Monday Moan.

    Like

  2. LMAOLROTF – Nice to see that SOME things haven’t changed in Abu Dhabi Seumas and many a time I reacted the way you did, if only to release a bit of pressure from myself 😀

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's New (to me) Authors Blog and commented:
    If you know of ANYWHERE this DOESN’T happen (apart from the middle of the uninhabited desert or wastelands – let Seumas know 😀

    Like

  4. i would love to be behind you in line, godfather.

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