…emb’dy looking for a DE-caffeinated coffee table?… TBSU…

…for over four decades I have revelled in watching and listening to the humour of my fellow Glaswegian, Billy Connolly... I can re-run his DVDs a hundred times, and still fall on the carpet laughing… all the best comedians have that ability… to take even the smallest absurdities around us and magnify them enuff to cause merriment in an audience… Billy claims that, ‘there are some things my brain just refuses to let me accept’… p’raps we all have a bit of that… fr’example, how about buying a ‘de-caffeinated’ coffee table?… the advertisements exist, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… yeez see more of this nonsense everywhere yeez look… the other day, in the supermarket near where I live, proudly presented for sale were ‘kiwi-fruit slicers’, just along the shelf from a separate product, ‘banana-slicers’… in my day these used to be called ‘knives’… but it doesn’t stop there… have a wee squint at the SkyNews Channel (which I cannot help but watch, because at times it’s so bad, it’s good, if yeez know what I mean)… the labelling straps at the bottom of the screen when certain ‘specialists’ are being interviewed are often priceless… sumb’dy discovers a bit of old rock about a squillion years old, and up pops an interviewee, whom SkyNews rejoices in labelling ‘an ancient rock formation expert’… it’s unclear whether or not the ‘ancient’ refers to the bloke being quizzed, or the civilisation-enlightening piece of stone they’ve just found… the ‘expertise’ tag also never reveals if this lad’s been studying nowt but 100,000-year-old bricks for thirty years on some obscure elective course at University… the same ‘Idiot-Viewers-Guide-to-Television-News’ approach kicks in during reports on storms and rain-lashed beaches… the reporter stands up to his borrox in flood waters, with torrents of hail battering his head (no umbrella permitted), when shelter stands a yard or so away… this is to let yeez understand how bad the weather really is…  coz yeez are so dumb yeez can’t notice the hurricane, right?… aye, right… so, I’m in the market now for an ‘apple-slicer’... if yeez hear of any, let me know… see yeez later…


Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

4 responses to “…emb’dy looking for a DE-caffeinated coffee table?… TBSU…

  1. I also love warning signs in products. You buy butter and it warns you it ‘might’ contain milk, or peanuts and it advises you that it contains ‘nuts’. Who would have thought?


  2. If you find a left handed wrench near your apple slicer, could you let me know?


  3. laurie27wsmith

    Now we have takeaway cups that say, warning contents may be hot.’ I bluddy hope so I ordered a hot coffee. It’s a crazy world that is full of ‘experts’ for every occasion, and then there are those experts with their tips for everyday living. Ohhhhhh!


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