…as a crime thriller scribbler yeez have to do some fieldWURK research occasionally, right?… #TBSU…

…the following account of yesterday’s activity may or may not have actually happened… as a dealer in fiction, with tinges of fact thrown in to baffle yeez, I could tell yeez if it’s true or not… but then, I’d have to kill yeez… yeez know how that WURKS, right?… the cryptic message came through early in the morning in the usual code… the cornflake cereal packet was empty… stocks in the breakfast larder were depleted… no eggs, minimal bacon, sausages gone… an urgent mission to replenish stocks was on the cards… my direct telephone line call to Chief of Security was succinct… ‘…we have RED ALERT, repeat, RED ALERT… mobilise the assets… we’re heading for Tesco’s supermarket’… in minutes, the usual phalanx of bodyguards arrived at the front door… the extra bulges at the left jacket-lapels signalled they were all carrying heat… yeez can’t take any chances at Tesco… the armoured limousine, flanked by two identical vehicles, blackened-glass windows, (decoys against potential assassins) screeched away from the house… the professional minders swung into the carpark, and jumped from the cars before they’d stopped… the checking routine covered all possible avenues of attack threats… a quartet of hulks spoke into their wrists… all clear!… good to go!… get him inside!… now!… in an instant I was whisked into the store… the ring of muted aggression cleared a pathway to the grocery section… I reached for the required items, careful not to make any too-sudden movements… into the basket went the eggs… free range, of course… best back bacon followed, then the sausages… almost done… I reached for the baked beans… suddenly, alarm! … the tin slipped from my hands and clattered to the floor… immediate response from the minders… no more time for whispers… full blown screams into the ends of the sleeves… ‘…Can Down! Can Down! we have a Can Down in aisle six’… in a blur, the two closest bodyguards swept me up and out of harm’s way… through the checkout… a swift flash of a credit card… into the limo… and off in a cloud of wheel-spitting dust… speed records broken on the way back… and safely into the kitchen… mission accomplished… job done… just another hum-ho day in the life of an over-imaginative crime-thriller quill-scraper… see yeez later, I’ve got a full breakfast to demolish…


Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

19 responses to “…as a crime thriller scribbler yeez have to do some fieldWURK research occasionally, right?… #TBSU…

  1. Did you have to go back for the mushrooms and black pudding?


  2. I so needed that this morning… can down…still giggling…thank you, Sir. And thanks to the minders for keeping you safe… can down…snicker snort…


  3. yes, dangerous fieldwork like this is a necessary evil for a writer such as yourself. by the way, i just bought (kindled) your book and i’m very excited to read it. ) beth


    • …which one, m’Lady (oh, listen to him, ‘which one’!! ) …whichever… extremely grateful for any and all support ! eventual coupla lines of a review on Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.com and Goodreads will be priceless …LUV YA! 🙂 🙂


    • …are you on Twitter? 🙂


      • oh, no worries. the violin man. can’t wait ) as for twitter, yes i am, though i am the worst twit ever, as i never tweet anything other than my blog posts. idhmgo is my name there. send me a link to yours and i’ll follow you. tech and i are not the best of friends, we only have a passing acquaintance and use each other just to meet our own needs. somehow it works for both of us, like friends with benefits? beth


    • …okay…following you now from @seumasgallacher it’s all part of being that Medya Tart thing… if you read my next wee effort, “Self-Publishing StepsTo Successful Sales’ ( coming out within the next five years —promise)… you may reconsider the usage of Twitter et al :): LUV YA! friends with benefits works on the Web as well as in any other idiom 🙂


  4. What about the square saussage?


  5. laurie27wsmith

    The real drama came at the checkout when you’d forgotten your credit card. 🙂


  6. Lol…I’m never looking at the mundane task of grocery shopping in the same way again! If only when I go there it would be so exciting! Thanks for the laughs, Seumas!


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