Monthly Archives: March 2015

…oh, Lawd, it’s hard to be humble… ‘specially as a modern-day Author…

…it’s the primary major bane of many current Authors, self-published and otherwise… how to be dual-, and sum’times, tri-personality-ed… conventional wisdom now dictates that being just a quill-scraper is hardly gonna cut the literary mustard… yeez have to role-chameleon-ise yerselves… scribbler, proofreader, copy checker, cover art director, sales and promotional officer, business planner… and the oftentimes most difficult role of all… head barker, primary shouter-out of yer wares to the WURLD at large… to some it comes more readily than others… this ol’ Jurassic has never been classified as shy and retiring, so I find it fairly simple… but I try to make it fun… how much less complicated it all appears when yeez can have a laff while yer doing sum’thing… p’raps it’s useful to do as I do with it… consider yerselves in the business of writing… if it were any other business, yeez would have no issue with trumpeting yer products, services and merits to yer markets… the same thing holds with being a writer… now, don’t mistake me, there’s an enormous gulf of difference between properly promoting yer masterpieces and spamming… don’t spam!… don’t spam!… don’t spam!... however… there’s nowt wrong with being proud of yer wee babies… and if yeez can’t tell the reader universe about it, how are they gonna know?…


…a WURD on using the SOSYAL NETWURKS to get yer message out–I find it acceptable to wrap yer promo stuff around plenty of other shout-outs for other authors and their WURK… it’s not a competition with yer fellow scribblers… there’s room for any amount of decent material… and when the sales numbers start to tick upward, be delighted with even one sale/download at a time… every one is precious, coz every one means sumb’dy has seem fit to wanna read yer product… now, off yeez go, get yer throat warbling… sell gazillions, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!


TVML coverseumas 3front view SP



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…off yer bluudy trolley…

…I’ve often been accused of having a weird view of things I see… it may have sum’thing to do with being dropped on my head from a great height when young… but a rush of thoughts zinged at me this evening at the local supermarket… NUTHIN to do with the products on offer… nor with service checkout lines (no illiterate or non-numerate nutters today at my favourite battleground, the 10-items-or-less-and-cash-only lane)… the focus of attention was the trolley I used to ferry my goods from the store… it occurs to me that there exist several money-making opportunities, all spinning around these bast*rd-baskets-on-wheels…


…yeez’ve prob’ly noticed yerselves, that not a single trolley ever runs straight ahead… exhibiting more bias than a lawn-bowling ball or a SkyNews political commentator, the contraption veers off-line, and there’s no way of telling if it’s gonna sprint left, or clatter off to the right… so the entrepreneurial brains amongst yeez may want to consider these lucrative prospects:

1. …production and sales of built-in gyroscopes, converting the trolley into a straighter-than-Abe-Lincoln performer…

2. …addition of easy-to-WURK GPS systems, operated by the insertion of coins on a pay-as-yeez-go basis…

3. …establishment of on-supermarket-site booths selling psychiatric counselling for those sad souls who’ve been convinced that their inability to manoeuvre the trolley is an admission of failure in life…

4. …similar stalls offering Anger Management Programs

5. …availability of a fee-based corps of muscled‘shopping-load-carters’, who take over the gruelling task of getting yer purchases from the checkout till to the safety of yer vehicle…

6. …and a brand-new brainwave of a Master Gallacher innovation… a sound-proofed basement room with a collection of trolleys and assorted weights of baseball bats, which are hireable in order to smash up the offending metal-wire-wheelies… there now, that feels better, doesn’t it?…

7. …provision at a reasonable price, of Doctors’ Notes declaring yeez unfit to handle the machines, in which case the supermarket assumes the responsibility of herding yer goodies home for yeez…


…I shall now wait patiently here by the telephone, awaiting what I expect to be a rush from the Venture Capital Financing brigade… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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…lessons from Michaelangelo for this ol’ Jurassic Author…


Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni left his mark on history in so many ways, but my grateful thanks to whoever edited his name to Michaelangelo… an obscure little anecdote about him came my way a while back, and like lots of stuff clattering around in my wee gray cells, being trivia, it takes pride of place over so-called ‘more important’ data… he was visited one day by a friend who was about to embark on a three-year trip around wherever these guys tripped around back then… our Micky had almost completed a fine marble sculpture of a youth…


…the pal remarked on its elegance, and clinked a farewell goblet of Greek Tesco’s finest wine with the master… on his return three years hence, the friend returned to Micky’s studio to observe the same sculpture properly and politely plonked on its plated plinth… ‘what do yeez think of it, now?’ asked the great man… the mate peered closely, pondered for a few moments and replied, ‘I don’t see any changes, Micky?… ‘ah, yeez aren’t observing well enuff,’ said Micky, (in Classical Greek, of course) ‘see how this muscle looks stronger, the eye looks keener, the cut of his jib looks firmer’lessons-for-this-ol’-Jurassic-Author time… spending hours on developing the characters in yer narratives can be, p’raps should be, a slow, growing process, particularly if yeez are writing a series as I am with the Jack Calder crime thrillers… I’ve discovered that the focus I sum’times give to building up the minor character roles would be better turned on to revealing another layer of one of the main protagonists… Jack may not need further descriptive prose on his muscle strength, eye flintiness, or jib-carriage, but emotional teaser tidbits, ‘what-really-makes-him-tick’ stuff is always good… right, off yeez go on yer three-year jaunts… I’ll catch yeez when yeez get back… and ease up on that looting and pillaging nonsense, huh?… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!


wall copy 2


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…if I ROOLED the WURLD… an Author’s wish list…

…a generation ago, Master Harry Secombe entertained his adoring fans as an infectiously giggling comedian as part of The Goon Show… an irreverent bunch of madcap comics including Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan… (he, whose gravestone bears the legend ‘I told you I was ill’–in Irish!–)… an equally revered part of Secombe’s talent was a powerful and melodious tenor voice, which shines in the clip above… made me think, what if?… what if?… what if this ol’ Jurassic ROOLED the WURLD?… here’s my ROOLER’S wish list:

1. …every author would have at least 5 million-plus bestseller titles…

2. …each day would extend to 64 hours, enabling we quill-scrapers to fit in all the SOSYAL NETWURKIN stuff we’re supposed to do…

3. …sumb’dy would teach me how Goodreads really WURKS

4. …I would have all the email addresses published of those loonies who send the ‘Nigerian Generals’ widows’ emails, and engage them in an eternal ‘loop’ giving their own bank details to the rest of the planet, including the F.B.I. …

5. …nobody over the age of 7 would be allowed to stand for election to parliament… laws would be passed with mandatory cookies and milk and a nap every afternoon at 2 p.m. …

6. …once a month, Greenland would hold a giant party attended by every author and scribbler in the universe for a jamboree get-together to blether about writing and stuff…

7. …the Nobel Prize for Literature would be formally scrapped, with an acknowledgement that EVERY author who’s ever written deserves an equal acclamation just for having finished their bluudy project… (applause from the myriad virtual candle-lit garrets)…

8. …handheld telephones and other devices would have everlasting batteries, with all ‘chargers’ relegated to museum pieces…

9. …just once in a while, the characters in my novels would behave themselves when I’m writing them and do what the author dictates instead of taking over the entire plot…

10. …and as for SkyNews… well, no, let’s not even go there…

…so, what would yeez all do if yeez ROOLED the WURLD, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land?… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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…addicted to the computer device Age?…who, me?… Author Tess Karlinski nails it…

…speaking with all my communication cards on the table, yes, I’ll ‘fess up… this ol’ Jurassic can hardly go to the washroom without at least the Monster Martinet Mobile Phone, or the Big Bad Bully Blackberry… of course, I can control that at any time, right, Mabel…right?… right?… well, here’ s my pal, Author Teresa (Tess) Karlinski and, truth be known, I think she speaks on behalf of gazillions of us …enjoy…


The Dream Team

by Teresa (Tess) Karlinski

The Internet and all our electronic devices rule our lives. Don’t they? Computers, laptops, phones, tablets, iPods, iPads, tablets etc. [deep breath] are no longer luxuries or mere toys. We are addicted and no longer know how to live without them. Think about it.

Computers and Laptops

I started with a desktop computer, added a printer soon after, and then a scanner. They’re handy now and again. When my laptop decides to do its own thing, I suffer the slow desktop. In the past week or so, my laptop has stuck its tongue out at me by flashing the dreaded blue screen. The first time, I gawked, horrified, and rushed to beg at the altar of the Geek Squad. The next time, I pulled the plug and battery, counted to ten and was up and running again—but for how long? In between the blue screens, I’ve dashed back and forth to the computer store three times because OneDrive refused to synchronize with the laptop.

I bought the laptop for convenience and portability. The real truth is the Internet signal is poor where my (slower) desktop is stationed. Money grows on trees, right? No problem.

IPad Mini

I recharged my iPad during the recent Spring / March Break. It was juiced at 100% but didn’t look the same. Hello flashed on the screen. What? Had my devices conspired behind my back and this, my thanks, for treating them well? They dare revolt against me? Terror struck when I thought of all the lovely books stored on my iPad on Kindle, most of which I haven’t yet read. How can I keep up my reading when my devices are taking up all my time. Thank goodness my 11-year-old granddaughter ‘fixed’ it in two seconds after she finished with her social media. That’s right, Grandma had to wait in line.

Cell Phone

Notice I didn’t call it an iPhone or anything fancy because I don’t know the difference. I’m happy to have purchased a Samsung Galaxie for emergencies. What if I get lost, you know? My previous cell phone had a little stub of an antena (ugly), was too small, and the teeny numbers and my glasses didn’t see eye-to-eye. I have it for emergencies as well, but I wanted something bigger and flashier. The new one should—but hasn’t—replaced my home digital cordless phone, which I don’t often use either.


Don’t get me started on how I keep track of all the crazy passwords. Several times I’ve had an incorrect login. You know the feeling. Sweat gushed out of me like a river in a storm— till I checked my Password Directory. You know the one, right?

Social Media

The few labels I know are: Google+, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest and so on. More passwords. More entertainment. More people to meet and greet. I belong to three, but have trouble keeping up.


Yes, I’m invested in blogging as well. You see where this is leading? We are slaves to the electronic age and social media, and loving it. We’re the Dream Team and can’t conceive of doing anything without these fascinating inventions. We’ve been spoiled.

What If

Remember the blackout of the Northeastern seaboard in 2003? It could happen again. What then? It’s easy to whine when our devices get pouty one piece at a time. What if a catastrophe hit and the Internet and all the gadgets it loves go down? Could happen. We’re better prepared than twelve years ago, but the vulnerability still exists. Mother Nature has tossed us all kinds of vicious and unexpected weather patterns of late. Maybe she hasn’t finished lashing out yet. I wouldn’t bet on it. We are at risk because not all electrical wiring is buried and she has the ace.

Are we too comfortable with our new-fangled acquisitions? Could we adapt if all these were taken away? Could you?

…thanks for a great post, Tess… well, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land…could yeez survive?…I know what my answer is…

…catch up with Tess here :

blog: how the cookie crumbles

…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!




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…Good Morning, Robin Williams!…

…today, a Crooked Cat Publishing pal of mine, Authoress, Nancy Jardine has her virtual launch for her book, Monogamy Twist over on Facebook… well worth a click to join her on:

…however, this post has an ulterior message today, and I ask yeez in advance to bear with me on this… I posted on her wall the You Tube clip at the top of the page, intended as a nice, funny AWAKENER to kick off her day’s launch… it’s a wee montage of scenes of the late, great, irreplaceable Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam,.. after posting it to her wall, and as I carried on listening to it, this ol’ Jurassic was struck with one of those unexpected ‘wobbly’ moments… watching the screen persona and realising this was the real Robin Williams that most of us only knew at a distance… the mercurial, instantaneous, rapid-fire wise-cracks and humour overlaying a human being with heightened sensitivity for others around him… in the clip, his character tells a soldier moving on up to the danger zone in the war, ‘I’ll never forget you’… how appropriate a line… that ‘wobbly’ moment produced emotional tears in me, I don’t mind owning up to that… thinking on the manner of his own passing, and the tragedy of the clown-creature who could make everyone else laugh except himself… and remembering, everybody yeez meet, and I mean EVERYBODY, is fighting some sort of battle yeez know NUTHIN about’… be kind, good people, be kind… that’s all… be kind… have a listen to the clip and yeez’ll know what I mean… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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…a REAL broadcaster among broadcasters… Richard Dimbleby…


…television over the past fifty years has improved in certain dimensions, mostly on the technical and transmission areas it must be said… the gazillion-pixels-per-square-micrometre advances in High Definition Viewing are incredible… the range of uncountable colours deliverable through yer screens is magical… satellite transmission, and cable direct delivery are now the norms… all splendid improvements since the-days-before-remote-control-switches… in other aspects, however, this ol’ Jurassic has to lament the retrograde quality of a specific feature–the banality of newscasting broadcasts… some of it is undoubtedly down to the 24/7-instant-viewer-gratification that has developed over the years… the competition almost to ‘be part of’ rather than ‘reporting on’ the news… the need to ‘entertain’ rather than to ‘inform’, and more dramatic performances from anchor persons than would be found in a Bruce Willis blockbuster… I watch in despair as one newscaster interviews another newscaster from the same channel and it devolves into a repetitive ten-minute verbal loop of the same one-line piece of ‘news’… they vie with each other to say the same thing a dozen different ways in the same segment… and what bluudy News Mogul genius thought it a ‘good idea’ to plonk reporters into the middle of warfare, with live bullets, grenades and bombs exploding round their steel-helmeted skulls and bullet-proof-vested chests?… doesn’t emb’dy ever think of how much extra pressure that brings to the poor soldiers on the ground trying to get on with their difficult enuff job without these microphone-carrying scuttlers under their noses?… years ago, good old Aunty BBC was blessed with arguably the finest radio and television broadcaster ever to address a microphone…


…Richard Dimbleby… an iconic steersman of a news anchor… he also fronted the superbly insightful Panorama series, in a time when reporting was honest and direct… dressed in his impeccable double-breasted suit, Brylcreem-ed short-back-and-sides haircut and sensible necktie… gravitas personified… believable… trusted… no prestigious British Royalty event was complete without Richard’s overtones putting the seal of good broadcasting on it… from hushed tones at grandmens’ funerals, to the majestic voice carry at ceremonial ‘biggies’, his was the imprimatur that we respected… I find it impossible to muster the same enthusiasm for a coupla mates from the studio discussing matters of state on air… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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….Written Acts of Kindness Awards… m’Lud, David Prosser…


…anyone who has ever had the pleasure of reading m’Lud, David Prosser’s Barsetshire Diaries blog pieces will understand the humanity of a man who always has encouraging WURDS for his pals and others on the internet…


…the essence of ‘paying it forward’, David has been a constant, stalwart supporter of this blog and of so many others where I see his name on the message rosters… a worthy recipient of the Written Acts of Kindness Awards, his Lordship also entertains, amuses and delights with his journals on the goings-on in his household… watch out particularly for the ‘melt-yer-hearts’ photographs of his grandchildren… yeez can join me and a legion of those who enjoy the scribblings of a man who writes from the heart… his blog is easy to find: 

…m’Lud, David, the rules for passing this Award on are very simple:

  1. You are welcome to give it out as many times as you like, but it is only to be given to a maximum of one person per blog post. If you wish to give multiple rewards, please space the blog posts so the sincerity is maintained.
  2. Introduce the person; say how they encourage, help or inspire you; then link to their work and/or social media profiles. There may be a specific post you wish to link to which helped you. It’s up to you.
  3. Please publicise your award post to Twitter or Google Plus using the hashtag #writtenkindness so that others can find and follow the award winners.

This award is open to anyone to use. You don’t have to receive it, in order to be able to give it. Once you have received it, it isn’t obligatory that you must pass it on.

…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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…another Celt pal comes to visit the blog… David Williams… ceud mile failte…

…a neat wee diversion here for yeez in the form of a Guest Blog post from a fellow-Celt, Author David Williams… today I’m bestowing on him Honorary Scotsmanship, for reasons yeez’ll quickly understand as yeez read his piece below… enjoy…

Master Williams in his highly effective undercover camouflage as a Scot:
Scotland The Brave

The reason I like Scotland, world traveller Seumas Gallacher’s home country, is for the following reasons, laid bare in this guest blog post, an opportunity kindly provided by the man himself. As a writer, I always start with place, the title of my own blog post is The first time I visited Scotland was on a family holiday circa 1978/79. We stayed in student accommodation in Stirling University, not realising that it was a hotbed of student, radical politics. My father’s Brown Triumph Dolomite was misbehaving and an AA patrolman dutifully turned up and I knew that these were different people when he found out that we were a Welsh Family when he said “Things are hotting up down there with you”, he was referring to the Holiday Home Burning Campaign by Meibion Glyndwr.

   We went to the Battlefield of Bannockburn, we went up the Wallace Tower. We took a ferry across Loch Katrine in the Trossachs. The country was impossibly romantic and atmospheric. My second visit was as Hooker for the school rugby team when we visited Dumbarton Grammar School circa 82/83. We played, hungover and queasy on the Saturday morning and then headed over to Murrayfield for the afternoon game which if I remember rightly Wales won. We won the school game narrowly and the strangest re-union happened recently because I am an unemployed writer so when signing on for Job Seeker’s Allowance in Cardiff I thought I would be an awkward sod and ask for a Welsh Speaking member of staff and who turned up but a Scotsman who had met and married a Welsh Speaking lady and had played in the second row for Dumbarton Grammar School, all those years ago. He had learnt Welsh and was now speaking with me his former rugby adversary. When people say it’s a small world, it certainly was that day.
   In the early 1990’s I went to a friends’ wedding. He was from Watford and she was from Balloch on the shores of Loch Lomond. They were to be married at the Loch Lomond Hotel. Two days before the event. The Loch Lomond Hotel burned down and we witnessed the burning as we drove passed. Last minute arrangements changed the venue to the Trusthouse Forte hotel in Glasgow. Two most recent visits have seen me go to Oban, Fort William, up Ben Nevis, over to Inverness, down to Aberdeen and then a few days at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival because it is Theatre Writing that takes my main interest. I have just successfully completed an M.A in Playwriting at the University of Salford and my dramatic writing can be seen on
   I am fascinated by two Scotsmen, George Galloway and William Topaz McGonagall. George because of his fearlessness and McGonagall because my poetry follows his in quality and quantity. One question that I will direct to Seumas as I know that he was a professional football player before turning his expert hand at thriller writing and self help books Why are so many Scotsmen, successful football managers? What is it in the water that makes them such good man managers? (Seumas here: quite simply and modestly, we ARE the people!)
   My last visit to Scotland, I visited Culloden Field, I have to admit to being a big fan of Alex Salmond and the Independence Campaign. I was very much in the Yes camp. At Culloden, we were shown a film of the history of the battle, the last man to leave the film screening was an American called Gus, his wife had to drag him from there and she also had to push him on the bus as he could not take his eyes off the battlefield. You can take the man out of Scotland but having known Seumas for a short time and seeing Gus in action, I realised that you can ne’er take Scotland oot the man!
…not only does the intrepid David do Braveheart impersonations, he has two terrific blogs as indicated in the text above, which I fully recommend to yeez, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, but he can also be followed on Twitter on @davidredbutton and on Facebook under David Red Button Williams… here’s a cover page of one of his literary masterpieces for yeez:
…thanks for the visit, that man… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!


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…sweet dreams are made of this… ev’rybody’s got one…

…it’s not that long ago when Master Richard Gere and that nice Julia Roberts lassie romanced the heck out of us in Pretty Woman… quite apart from the fabulous theme tune by the incomparable Roy Orbison, there’s a bit at the end of the movie that sticks with me… as the closing credits roll, a guy walks across the set and says, ‘this is Hollywood… everybody’s got a dream’LUV that!… and so it is to be well borne in mind, fellow quill-scrapers, when yeez write yer masterpieces… yeez are in the business of creating dreams… one of the biggest reasons I read is to escape into the fantasy of sumb’dy else’s imagination… sumb’dy else’s dreams… the creative juices are unlimited when an Author is the God of all that he/she controls within the pages of their narrative… forget for a minute the standardised formulae for writing a story… yes, yes, yes, I know, Mabel, there’re ROOLS to be followed, like give it a start, a middle, and an ending–and all the other good stuff like plot development, character arcs, and suchlike… but the dreams that flow from the scribbler’s psyche are much more important… without the dream, there is no story… without the dream, there is no escape valve for yer readers… and daft as it sounds, without the dream, there is no dream


…I watch and observe people every day going about whatever they go about… kids, families, employees, taxi drivers, waiters, managers, hotel guests, travellers… folk I meet in elevators… they all have dreams… they don’t say that, but yeez just know… give them half a chance to talk to yeez, and the dreams in one form or another come flowing out… it’s called living… sum’times it’s ambition… sum’times it’s just putting one foot in front of the other to make it until tomorrow… but all dreams nonetheless… and as Authors, yeez are all dream-makers… enjoy… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



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