…if I ROOLED the WURLD… an Author’s wish list…

…a generation ago, Master Harry Secombe entertained his adoring fans as an infectiously giggling comedian as part of The Goon Show… an irreverent bunch of madcap comics including Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan… (he, whose gravestone bears the legend ‘I told you I was ill’–in Irish!–)… an equally revered part of Secombe’s talent was a powerful and melodious tenor voice, which shines in the clip above… made me think, what if?… what if?… what if this ol’ Jurassic ROOLED the WURLD?… here’s my ROOLER’S wish list:

1. …every author would have at least 5 million-plus bestseller titles…

2. …each day would extend to 64 hours, enabling we quill-scrapers to fit in all the SOSYAL NETWURKIN stuff we’re supposed to do…

3. …sumb’dy would teach me how Goodreads really WURKS

4. …I would have all the email addresses published of those loonies who send the ‘Nigerian Generals’ widows’ emails, and engage them in an eternal ‘loop’ giving their own bank details to the rest of the planet, including the F.B.I. …

5. …nobody over the age of 7 would be allowed to stand for election to parliament… laws would be passed with mandatory cookies and milk and a nap every afternoon at 2 p.m. …

6. …once a month, Greenland would hold a giant party attended by every author and scribbler in the universe for a jamboree get-together to blether about writing and stuff…

7. …the Nobel Prize for Literature would be formally scrapped, with an acknowledgement that EVERY author who’s ever written deserves an equal acclamation just for having finished their bluudy project… (applause from the myriad virtual candle-lit garrets)…

8. …handheld telephones and other devices would have everlasting batteries, with all ‘chargers’ relegated to museum pieces…

9. …just once in a while, the characters in my novels would behave themselves when I’m writing them and do what the author dictates instead of taking over the entire plot…

10. …and as for SkyNews… well, no, let’s not even go there…

…so, what would yeez all do if yeez ROOLED the WURLD, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land?… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

24 responses to “…if I ROOLED the WURLD… an Author’s wish list…

  1. There would be a rool saying that all reviewers had to answer a question to prove that they actually READ the book before slagging it off. Can the Greenland Convention be a double-up teddy bears’ picnic?

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Thank Heavens for that! For a minute I thought he’d make the wearing of kilts by authors mandatory! Great list though, That Man.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I would make it mandatory that printer ink came in a powdered form, both the black and colored kind, in giant-size containers, and all you had to do was add water. I think it’s only fair that it last about a year or more. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I hope you run for the next elections to world ruler. I’ll vote for you!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I would absolutely vote for No. 2. Can you imagine 64 hours in a day? Heaven. What about the nights? I need my beauty sleep after the long day’s work. Wouldn’t I? We? Everyone?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I would hope someone would let me know how Facebook works. So far I’m stumped. Great post and thanks for the five million in sales. (now if I could only get a film deal)

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I’d have a second Sunday created in every week so that the first could happily be used for work and social networking but the second was purely for fun, lazing around and making sue w all got the Sunday lunch we craved.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I hereby nominate Seumas Gallacher for Rooler of the Wurld!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. rohini99

    I’d rethink some of your rules, O esteemed Rooler of the Wurld (btw how do you deal with auto correct with all your unique spelling?) Some of us wouldn’t work so hard at writing and then we’d infect the “wurld” with a lot of unmitigated nonsense…eh?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I would make the use of snurds ( flying cars which run on water… Long story) mandatory.



    Liked by 1 person

  11. laurie27wsmith

    Loved Harry Secombe, both as a Goon and a singer. Lot’s of luck in finding out how Goodreads works. 😦 I opted out of it last year.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.