…off yer bluudy trolley…

…I’ve often been accused of having a weird view of things I see… it may have sum’thing to do with being dropped on my head from a great height when young… but a rush of thoughts zinged at me this evening at the local supermarket… NUTHIN to do with the products on offer… nor with service checkout lines (no illiterate or non-numerate nutters today at my favourite battleground, the 10-items-or-less-and-cash-only lane)… the focus of attention was the trolley I used to ferry my goods from the store… it occurs to me that there exist several money-making opportunities, all spinning around these bast*rd-baskets-on-wheels…


…yeez’ve prob’ly noticed yerselves, that not a single trolley ever runs straight ahead… exhibiting more bias than a lawn-bowling ball or a SkyNews political commentator, the contraption veers off-line, and there’s no way of telling if it’s gonna sprint left, or clatter off to the right… so the entrepreneurial brains amongst yeez may want to consider these lucrative prospects:

1. …production and sales of built-in gyroscopes, converting the trolley into a straighter-than-Abe-Lincoln performer…

2. …addition of easy-to-WURK GPS systems, operated by the insertion of coins on a pay-as-yeez-go basis…

3. …establishment of on-supermarket-site booths selling psychiatric counselling for those sad souls who’ve been convinced that their inability to manoeuvre the trolley is an admission of failure in life…

4. …similar stalls offering Anger Management Programs

5. …availability of a fee-based corps of muscled‘shopping-load-carters’, who take over the gruelling task of getting yer purchases from the checkout till to the safety of yer vehicle…

6. …and a brand-new brainwave of a Master Gallacher innovation… a sound-proofed basement room with a collection of trolleys and assorted weights of baseball bats, which are hireable in order to smash up the offending metal-wire-wheelies… there now, that feels better, doesn’t it?…

7. …provision at a reasonable price, of Doctors’ Notes declaring yeez unfit to handle the machines, in which case the supermarket assumes the responsibility of herding yer goodies home for yeez…


…I shall now wait patiently here by the telephone, awaiting what I expect to be a rush from the Venture Capital Financing brigade… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

12 responses to “…off yer bluudy trolley…

  1. I’m very pleased to see there would be a position for me with your plan. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I begin my shopping and the darn thing doesn’t roll right, I leave it. Someone will grab it, happy to have finally found one for all the groceries they’re holding in their arms. Oh the pain when the thing now full won’t move forward. No longer your problem. 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t count the number of times when in forward motion one of the two front wheels has turned sideways and acted as a brake. I’ve a permanent ridge across my stomach from running into the handle.
    It’s so effective at stopping that there’s no skid factor.at all. I suggest as they’re made of something like aluminium they’re all broken up and turned into baseball bats to encourage play in children. Overnight you solve the unemployment problem by creating jobs for men to walk round with shoppers carrying bags as per your Number 5.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rosa Ave Fénix

    Hahahaha… do you think you are the only one who have problems with tolleys… don`t think you are witless, silly… no dear. The troleys themselves are dumb!!!! it happens not only in supermarkets but in airports and wherever you need one!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. laurie27wsmith

    One wheel is always buggered, usually the front left one. It’s done during manufacturing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I strongly suspect that somewhere in the market is a glass that looks like a mirror but it actually is a one-way window for people to pay and sit behind watching shoppers trying to use the faulty carts. Possibly the store owner and his friends. It must be better than a sitcom. 😀


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.