…Authors… yer book’s a what kinda seller?

…in the WURLD of publishing, after ‘the cheque’s in the mail’, the phrase most prob’ly more abused than any other is the ‘such and such Best Seller’… it seems to my warped understanding that the old meaning of ‘best‘, being ‘the Number 1 above all others’ doesn’t quite translate that way in the book business… at any given moment, promotional blurbs abound tagging dozens… nay, tagging hundreds… even more nay, tagging hundreds and p’raps thousands of titles simultaneously as ‘Best Seller’

…could be ‘The Noo Yawk Times Best Seller’, the ‘Sunday Times Supplement Best Seller’, the ‘Platinum, or Gold, or Silver, or Ruby, or Tin, Garbage Writers Guild Best Seller’… or maybe the ‘Local Dry Cleaners Writers Best Seller’, the ‘Best Seller in my Front Room’… yeez get my drift… and by the way, the addendum is always ‘#1 Best Seller’, as if emb’dy would ever tag yer tome as ‘#2 Best Seller’ or any other ordinal configuration… demotion from the supremo position is just not done, Dahlings…

…let’s face it, there are literally (see what I did there, Mabel) millions of books in circulation, which makes the validity of the ‘Best Seller’ label even more precarious… I feel it’s time to introduce a multiple-choice selection of ‘Best Seller’ tab choices for we scribblers whenever we launch our wee masterpieces onto Auntie Amazon Kindle, or assault the Waterstones and Barnes & Noble bookshelves… fr’example, here’s a selection for yer consideration:

  1. ‘Quietly Making Its Way In Its Amazon Genre’ Seller’
  2. ‘My Granny LUVS The Way I Wrote This Book’ Seller’
  3. ‘I’d Appreciate More Sales So I Can Cover This Month’s Rent’ Seller
  4. ‘If The Typos And Grammar Errors Are Ignored, It’s Not A Bad Story’ Seller
  5. ‘I Know The Cover Is Blank Artwork, But Dickens Never Had Fancy Covers Either’ Seller

…I’m certain there are gazillions more ‘Sellers’ like these which yeez can conjure up… bring back a bit of ‘Honesty In Novel Advertising’… see yeez later… I’ve got to finish writing my ‘If It’s Not a #1 Best Seller, It Should Be’ Seller… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

30 responses to “…Authors… yer book’s a what kinda seller?

  1. You are totally right. I wonder if these tags would make it big on Twitter. Happy Saturday, Seumas!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very good, Seumas. I think you’ve got the field covered. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Seumas takes a humorously serious look at ‘Best Seller’ Labels 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Need to remember #3 for myself. Totally with you on the Best Seller label being drained of all importance.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Whoops Seamus, I’m guilty of this, except I do always add in genre – the chances of me ever getting to #1 overall is only in my wildest dreams! Great post πŸ™‚ Very funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Tom Gould

    Is there a right or wrong answer to anything anymore?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for the smiles, Seumas. A clever post — with a big dose of truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As ever, funny and wise, Seumas:)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: Sunday Post – 24th September 2017 | Brainfluff

  10. So my #1 ranking in Amazon>Free>Detective Fiction Set in Florida>Detectives Named Frank>Dogs Named Lucy is not as valuable as I thought?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. My vote’s for ‘the local dry cleaners best seller list’! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Cracked me up, because it’s just so true πŸ˜€


  13. I laughed! Hollowly.
    And wanted to know…
    I have been told you have written a book about your self publishing experience. Is it available? And if so, what and where is it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • …good day, m’Lady, Sylvia… I wrote a small guide to how I use a handful of the social networks and other means to promote and market my titles (100,000+ downloads in aggregate now) … this came after I had been a Guest Speaker at the Dubai Literary Festival three years ago.. I was invited there in my dual capacity as an author and also as an alleged – (and denied!) social network guru for writers… the upshot was the Amazon Kindle publishing of SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES… πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


      • Thanks Seumas. There are so many questions for us new bugs. I have published my novel, and it’s fine, but as usual, I am spotting things I want to change/improve so thinking of another print edition. My Kindle one is OK, but CreateSpace was such a kerfuffle! If you are ever giving a talk please highlight on your blog as I would welcome the chance to listen to a real person…
        Such a lovely phrase: Successful sales…

        Liked by 1 person

      • …I live in the Middle East, m’Lady… I see you are presently preparing to move to Malaysia… I was in the Far East for 25 years… enjoyed it immensely… πŸ™‚


      • Born in India, honeymoon in Sarawak and KL, 12 years in Africa etc so lots of travelling. Thinking of printing new edition in Sabah which I hope will work. and perhaps next novel but one will be set there! First one set in India: The Jacaranda Letters!

        Liked by 1 person

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