Tag Archives: authors

…Help, Doctor Phil, how do I cope with this …?

The butterflies in the stomach have started in earnest… nearly couldn’t keep my corn flakes down this morning. All of you parents out there will know the feeling…my little baby’s about to step out for the first time..alone.. into the big wide world out there…sniffle, sniffle.  The empty nest syndrome is beginning to kick in already. The birth of my brand new little book is due this coming week (or so). I’ve studied all the new book parent stuff… Bought it all the nice new marketing clothes, viz, Twitter, (the Mothercare of indies), Facebook (doting auntie ), and Goodreads (loving grannie )…The lists of new novel educational institutions have been mulled over…do we send him/her/it to reviewers first for primary tuition, then on to the dreaded agent/publisher higher education monasteries, where we lose him/her/it for YEARS, attached only by a series of postal orders and money transfers? Or do we finesse the path and have him/her/it exposed to the rigours of the refined boarding school system of other actual, real authors picking up my baby to help nurture it on its universal plod toward the best seller lists? Excuse me, while I demolish another box of paper tissues… I really MUST stop this silly weeping… what WILL people think of me? Oh, and NAMES for it. Toying with the modern fashionistas’ offspring tags spinning around derivations of Beiber, Brittney and Posh Becks was considered for less time than it takes for a Scotsman to donate to charities, before settling on a nice safe, solid, conservative name, VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK. If you bump into my baby out there ( it looks like me, resembling the south end of a north-facing yak), please be kind to it .. it’s a jungle out there…Oh, good, the senior nurse is bringing my sedative…(smuggled out of Safe Ward 241).Image

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…Mister Publisher, tear down this wall!…

Among the hardest things on earth are diamonds, and even harder, trying to get a prospective fiancee to buy a large-carat sample. Japanese arithmetic…that’s hard. Harder still, getting politicians on opposing camps to agree …, (well-near impossible). These all fade into mediocrity on the hardness scale when compared to a new author’s quest to find a publisher. Particularly if the scribe is an indie, with no agent stroking the literary feathers. I’m told that madness consists of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. On that score, I have to ‘fess up. Guilty of imbecility as charged, m’Lud. Sending trillions of submissions all over the world and many other places, in some areas singlehandedly helping the local postal authorities achieve their revenue targets, is right up there with throwing dollar bills from the stern of an ocean-going liner in mid-Atlantic. Submissions sent versus rejections received, parity—the first seeds towards abject suicidal thought. But wait, as ol’ Billy Shakespeare used to say (or so I’m reliably informed), “what light from yonder”.., etc…That beacon growing large on the horizon, that light through the tunnel isn’t an oncoming express train, No…it’s the new dawn. The advent of the strongest growing phenomenon since Justin Beiber’s Twitter account…the eBook is here! What was scorned and scoffed at a mere twelve months ago is battering at the doors of the established publishing bastions. The new kid on the block has more new toys than Uncle Publisher has been able to match. With a click of millions of thumbs, (and that’s a lot of click) the magic of the web unites every single heretofore isolated wretch of a writer into a vibrant molecule in the brave new world of self-publishing. Anyone who’s been reading my  recent offerings here will be aware of how REALLY dumb I am on computers, ( a day without an exploding laptop is a bonus)  but even this old dog is now happily immersed in the magic of Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, Blogg-y stuff et al. The need for agents and publishers may never recede completely, but the worldwide tsunami that is the indie movement seems unstoppable. The genie is out of the bottle. The new creed is, ‘If you write, you publish’ (and be damned or not, at least you’ve got some pleasure in doing your own thing). With all the postage I’ve saved, I’ve had my warders buy me ice cream, lots of ice cream… now where’s my spoon?…

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