Tag Archives: writers

…DISCLAIMER TIME!!!…honest, Officer, I don’t know NUTHIN’ about yer diamonds heist…#TBSU…

…I suppose I shoulda known all those years ago…in a burst of rashness, under  ‘OCCUPATION’  on the passport application form I foolishly stuck ‘Diamonds Heist Specialist Advisor’…all the talk here now in my neck of the woods is that my novel, THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY, is actually a not-very-well-concealed blueprint for that sparklers heist gig in Brussels a couple of days back…I admit I slammed the phone down in panic yesterday when some guy called and I thought it was a Dutch detective…turns out it was a chap from Hertz Van Rental…still an’ all, I’m keeping the curtains pretty tightly closed…the better half is also dishing out some grief as apparently there’s been a line of leggy, buxom blondes lining up outside the apartment…‘diamonds are a girl’s best friend.. etc etc…’…there’s also been a stream of emails from guys called ‘Buggsie, Louie and Three-Finger-Frank’ talking about cement shoes…I can’t remember ordering any online footwear.. whatever can they mean?…that’s my story, Officer, and I’m stickin’ to it…now, Mabel, where did ye put those tickets for South America, and that other passport ye got me last week?… yes, dear, the one WITHOUT ‘Diamonds Heist Specialist Advisor’ on it…yes, ‘Struggling Penurious Quill-Scraper’ is much more apt…if ye’ll just get the car engine runnin’ …I’ll be right out …see yeez later…

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…The ‘blueprint’ in question…



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…’s wunnerful when a plan comes together, isn’t it?…

There wasn’t a single haggis sandwich in sight, nary even the sniff of that Scottish delicacy, Fried Chocolate Mars bars…a whisper in the right waiter’s ear, however, could produce a splash or three of decent malt Scotch Whisky, so my birthright heritage was preserved. For there was I, resplendent in full dress kilt, hosting the book signing and launch of VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK in that premier centre of Scottish cultural heritage, Abu Dhabi…the superb people at The Beach Rotana Hotel pulled out all the stops and did me proud (but I think alerting Interpol was perhaps a bit over the top)…Being firmly established myself at the bottom of the Z-list, thankfully an array of Abu Dhabi’s A-listers provided a much needed balance to the entire affair… many turned up in their best frocks, (even the ladies), and a good time was had by all…the expected age-old question was thrown at me several times in the course of the evening, “Is anything worn under the kilt?”…to which, as usual, I was obliged to respond, “If there was anything worn underneath, this would be a skirt, not a kilt!”…However, I think I now have an inkling as to why Billy Shakespeare wrote so many works…I think he probably had a book launch for his first effort, and got the adrenaline surge that comes with having it out there, and decided to keep pumping out more books… it was the launches he was after, (and maybe a Fried Mars Bar or two)…if ever there was an incentive to get the next tome finished, a book signing and launch is right up there in the motivation stakes…Right, I’m going to lie down now and daydream about the next one… nurse, where’s my pills ?…


Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff